I’m charming, rude and gay, book me.
Ok, you still need persuasion.
How about this.
When I was twelve I used to dress up in a homemade catwoman outfit and sneak out of our house at night to hide in bushes. When a stranger passed my way I jumped up and said, with what I thought was a sexy voice, “I’m catwoman, hear me roar”. The strangers usualy just stared at me and wondered what a fat kid was doing in a bush wearing his mothers clothes. Nevertheless, it made me feel extravagant.
This and many other awkward situations has formed me into a witty and provocative comedian.
Now, book me.
